I needed this today...

great entry in another blog I read....

http://mandyparham.blogspot.com/2010/03/my-weight-loss-over-time.html

SparkPeople

Sparkpeople has a pretty cool app.  We'll see how I do with it...

What is wrong with me??

UGH!  I feel like crap.  I can't believe I have gained 30 lbs in 10 months!  I never thought I would be here again!  Does it make me do things differently?? NO!  I only want crap and I don't want to exercise.  This time last year, I was already planning my teaching style for the WW meetings I would surely one day be hosting. Does it ever end?  Do you ever just "get it" and not feel like this anymore??

The Beginning...

I am moving my blog from webs.com that I started a couple of years ago so that maybe I'll (1) keep up with it. & (2) get motivated again and stay motivated!


So, I'm Ashley.  I love God.  He is my Lord and Savior.  I'm 27 years old, married to a wonderful man - Dustin.  We don't have any children yet - waiting on a few things (financial, weight, house, etc...) I'm a Speech-Therapist and absolutely LOVE my job most of the time!!  I get to work with patients from 1 yr old to 100+ years old.  For once in my life work is the least stressful thing in my life.

The most stressful thing you ask?  Weight, fat, food, exercise.... If I don't care enough about myself to spend every possible minute making my future better, then who else will... right?

I've been fairly heavy all my life that I remember.  One summer when I was 13, I babysat 3 kids that were holy terrors.  I was totally unequipped to deal with them and decided that if I would just feed them all the time, they would leave me alone.  It worked - they ate, I ate... all. day. long.  (that was a 30 lbs summer!)  It seems like I have always been heavier than my friends by at least 20 lbs.  I regret that I didn't start caring about my weight until I was at my heaviest (245) in January 2007.  At that point I had given up weighing, obsessing and even trying at all.  I had NO idea that's how much I weighed.  I have a wonderful husband and wonderful family and friends that have always made me feel loved, accepted, and never ashamed of my appearance.  For a long time, I think I blamed my parents for my weight.  Now I know that it's MY problem.  I caused it and I have to fix it.

I counted calories for a couple of months and lost 15 lbs!  Then I started my first encounter with WeightWatchers (WW).  I thought... I'm determined, there's no way I will fail at this!  Yeah Right! I'm off WW for the 4th time now - Not only did I not realize how much I weighed, now I discover that I'm a complete mess when it comes to will power, determination, and emotional eating!  

This is my year!  No more excuses!  Time to leave my pity party behind and quit being the "fat friend" (how I see myself... never been called that... to my face at least :)

Couch to 5k

Yesterday, Tracy and Melissa begged me to go to a spin class at Gold's Gym with them so I went.  I really enjoyed spin last year at Fitness Plus and then just fell out of the habit and back into my old habits.  I really loved my trainer Shawn and did really well with him... then he moved to Huntsville.  I have really used that as a great excuse to not have the self-discipline to work out and eat right.

After the spin class yesterday, I sat down and talked with a sweet lady named Sharon about pricing and training options.  By the end of our talk, she offered me a work trade program where I can work for 2 hours a week to pay for my membership.  I also felt overly excited when I saw that the treadmills have ipod/iphone docks!!  Now there is absolutely NO excuse not to go!  Who else can charge their ipod/iphones and run at the same time??

I downloaded an app on my phone that has the Couch to 5k program.  It tells you when to walk and when to run.  It was a lot harder than I thought it would be.  Day one alternates 90 seconds of walking and 60 seconds of running for 30 minutes.  I skipped the third run because my ankles were burning but then it stopped so i ran the rest of the runs.  (great story... I know)

A letter to myself...

Inspired by Biggest Loser

Dear goal-weight Ashley,

Never forget where you came from and how you got there.  Also never forget the work it took to get where you are now!  This has been a long journey and you've done well.  You should be proud of yourself.  Don't be scared.  Don't let the fears of gaining it back, loose skin, and lifetime committment make you falter.  This goal was always attainable, it just took many kicks in the butt to get there.  Just because you are at goal doesn't mean that your work is done.  Don't get frustrated over a pound... or five.  And don't agonize over every tiny decision.  You are stronger than you think you are.

Love

~200 lb Ashley

Onderland!

So 2 years and 5 months have passed and I've finally made it to ONDERLAND!!!  I have so many mixed emotions about this new number (198.4). 

... it just feels strange putting the "1" first.

... I am so very proud of how far I've come.

... I'm scared!  I have not been this weight since I was on my way up (5 years ago).  There's a small voice that says "who are you when you're not the fat girl anymore?"  I know I have lots of great qualities but it has been so easy to use my weight as an excuse.... (my skinny friends will never understand this about me). 

... What if i fail??????  What if i gain it all back???

... Why has it taken me so long to get here?  Lots of people lose 46 pounds in a year and it took me more than twice that long.  Why can't I just do it and get it over with already!

Thanks for reading