Onderland!

So 2 years and 5 months have passed and I've finally made it to ONDERLAND!!!  I have so many mixed emotions about this new number (198.4). 

... it just feels strange putting the "1" first.

... I am so very proud of how far I've come.

... I'm scared!  I have not been this weight since I was on my way up (5 years ago).  There's a small voice that says "who are you when you're not the fat girl anymore?"  I know I have lots of great qualities but it has been so easy to use my weight as an excuse.... (my skinny friends will never understand this about me). 

... What if i fail??????  What if i gain it all back???

... Why has it taken me so long to get here?  Lots of people lose 46 pounds in a year and it took me more than twice that long.  Why can't I just do it and get it over with already!

Thanks for reading